503

I wanted to see why people enjoy answering Friendster Surveys so much. Are they actually any fun? I know I blasted this in my lost blog post, but I got curious. I didn’t want to embarrass myself by posting on the Friendster Bulletin Board, so I posted it in my blog. By the way, I snatched these questions off of someone. Hmmm, here goes. My answers are in RED.

Sixty Questions

1. Where did your last kiss take place? Why the fuck should you care, you fucker.

2. Who knows a secret or two about you?

Fuck if I’m telling you. Fuck off.

3. Four words to explain why you last
threw up? Go And Fuck Yourself.

4. Have you ever burned yourself? What’s it to you? You motherfucking snivelling pain-in-the-ass snooping shitbucket.

5. What’s crazy to you?
That I’m actually answering these fucking stupid questions and lumping myself with the other stupid fluffheads who do these things.

6. Favorite curse word: Ah, a question that I actually feel good about answering : MEGAFUCKBURITANJINGPUKIMAKBODOHPISSANTCRAPNUTS. That’s right, I made one up.

7. Who is probably talking a load of
crap about you right now?
I couldn’t give a flying fuck, so don’t fucking ask, you motherfucker.

8. Who is your hero?
I’m not telling you, fucknuts.

9. Would you ever want to be a
supermodel? Sure, only if I can strut on a runway with my dick hanging out and pissing on everyone’s faces.

10. Who is the most experimental person
you know? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Experimental? Holy fuck, who the fuck writes these things?

11. Do you tell white lies? No, I tell black, yellow and brown lies. See? I’m a fucking racist.

12. When is your next party? Why? So you could come over and fucking ruin it? Go fuck a goat, you whore.

13. Who do you want to be with right
now? Your mother, so I could shit in uterus for giving birth to you.

14 Do you scratch when and where you
want to scratch? You fucking nosey pervert! I’ll give you something to scratch, you shit-eating pissant.

15. How do you handle a break up? By going to your place and skinning you alive, motherfucker.

16. Your motivation for tomorrow? That I could be around to look down and piss upon people - nay, creatures - like you.

Oh, fuck I couldn’t even make it to 20, much less 60 fucking questions. FUCKKKK!!!

I really wish ugly people wouldn’t put ‘Cute’, ‘Sweet’, ‘Pretty’, ‘Chomel/Comel’, etc. in their profile names.

sur·vey      
Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[v. ser-vey; n. sur-vey, ser-vey]
1. to take a general or comprehensive view of or appraise, as a situation, area of study, etc.
2. to view in detail, esp. to inspect, examine, or appraise formally or officially in order to ascertain condition, value, etc.
3. to conduct a survey of or among: to survey TV viewers.
4. to determine the exact form, boundaries, position, extent, etc., of (a tract of land, section of a country, etc.) by linear and angular measurements and the application of the principles of geometry and trigonometry.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Right, I ripped the above entry from Dictionary.com. Each of these definitions imply that the results are compiled into something comprehensive.

That’s not what it’s like in a Friendster survey. There is no end result or a compilation of the results of these "surveys". In the end it’s just a meaningless post on the Bulletin Board. I wonder why people keep doing these "surveys"? Is it because they want to announce details of their lives to other people? Hmmm, I guess it’s just human nature to be so needy.

I have some survey questions of my own :

1. Why do a lot of people do these "surveys", but make it seem as if they were forced to complete the questions? (Example : It’s long, but I finally completed it!)

2. What do you get out of baring your details, some of which are personal, to the world?

3. In reference to Question 2, are you that lonely?

4. Would you take the time to answer an actual survey - something of consequence - if someone approached you in real life?

5. How many minutes of your time did you waste answering a "survey"?

6. I have noticed that most "surveys" ask the same questions over and over and over again. Do you feel like reminding the rest of the world of your answers in the last "survey" you completed?

OK, answer those questions. And please, elaborate. Answers like "huh no", "yeah!" or "hmmm…i dunno" which come up so prevalently in these "surveys" are pointless.

I am embarrassed to admit, however, that I do indulge in reading one or two of them every few months or so. It amuses me to observe how members of the shallow end of the intellectual gene pool spend their precious free time.

Call me mean and conceited. I don’t give a fuck.

HAPPY "SURVEYING" EVERYBODY!

1. Stupid health-freaks who jog on the road when there is a pedestrian walkway barely 2 feet away. If you guys had brains, you’d realize that me running over you is pretty bad for your health. Dumbasses.

2. People who turn on the speakerphone on their cellphones while driving, but hold it up to their mouths. You might as well hold it up to your ears normally, you stupid bastards.

3. Groups of people who stop in the middle of the walkway in a shopping complex to talk and have a merry time obstructing other people.

4. Items in shops without price-tags.

5. Those guys and girls who work in shops who act all snooty when you come in, but will treat a tourist like a king. Don’t they realize that I’M BETTER THAN THEY ARE?

6. Mamak restaurant waiters who are ‘imports’ from India and don’t understand English or Malay. Waitering is an interactive job, you fuckers, learn to speak the local language.

7. Malay magazines who tote morality and holiness, yet regularly feature copious amounts of cleavage in their pages. Not to mention guys who subject themselves to poolside photos.

8. Ridiculous bank procedures and formalities.

9. People who enjoy themselves too much in a movie. You don’t need to holler and shout; it doesn’t make you look cool. It just makes me think that you don’t understand the movie, and you need to overcompensate. In conclusion, you’re stupid.

10. 13-year old girls who dress up like aging whores.

11. Kids who wear black and eye-shadow and dress all goth, with trench-coats and all. We live in the tropics, you losers.

12. That PSA they show in cinemas. The one produced by KRU. You know, the one about pirated discs. "MISSION 3 : STEAL". Hah, what a joke.

13. That IndoMie song on the radio. "Tidak perlu digoreng". Everytime I hear it I die a little inside.

14. Radja’s vocalist. He sounds like someone trying to shit a 10-foot dookie.

15. Ella’s song ‘Rama-rama’. God, I hate that song.

16. Women who where the ‘tudung’ but dress skimpily. I can almost see your tits, bitch. If you wanna where the ‘tudung’, dress properly. Or else just take it off. Stupid bitches.

17. Malaysian drivers in general. Most of them are selfish and stupid.

18. Kids on scooters. They get pissed when I call them ‘Rempit’, but hey, it’s the truth. You’re just as bad as they are, only you have different vehicles. I hope you all die a violent, slow and painful death.

19. Drivers of overly modified Perodua cars. And their cars.

20. People who won’t give up their seats on the LRT.

21. Traffic lights that change within 4 seconds. The morons who times these things must think that everyone drives the Millenium Falcon.

Please, in the name of all sensibility, stop forwarding stupid useless messages. I do not read them, I do not care for them, and I don’t give a flying fuck if someone in Ulu Kelapa Sawit Selatan needs a liver transplant.

You people are so dumbfoundedly stupid. Do you really believe that forwarding messages/emails will magically cause money to appear and pay for someone’s liver transplant? Or are you so thick-headed that you actually think I care about the 10 things you hate or like. As if you’re that important.

If you wanna post a bulletin, that’s fine with me since I have no control over that. But STOP forwarding messages to my inbox. Go forward that crap to all your other "friends". I used to have a 3-strike rule with you losers. Now it’s just 1 strike. I WILL BLOCK YOU. If you keep forwarding crap, then I DO NOT CARE FOR YOUR FRIENDSHIP. If you don’t wanna be blocked, delete my profile from your friends list. I could give a rat’s ass either way.

Don’t you people have nothing better to do in your sorry-ass little insignificant lives than to clog up my inbox with your incessant, boring, intelligence-insulting, whining messages?

Go fuck yourselves, you dumbasses.

I got the best Valentine’s Day gift ever. Ayeen actually treated me to watch PGL : The Musical.

I’m still speechless, I wish I could give a review. In any case, the play was AWESOME. I haven’t seen a lot of plays, but PGL definitely exceeded my expectations of what a local play would’ve looked like.

Tiara, you rock.

And Ayeen, I love you for this, hope you know that.

See? What’d I tell you guys? I knew I’d be too lazy to post. It’s 406am and I can’t sleep.

I’m writing a book on Fundamental Mentalism. I don’t know what to call it yet, and I’m abuot a quarter of the way through. I guess the book is just gonna be a compilation of a few of my effects, or my own version/variation of well-known mentalism effects. I have no idea when I’m gonna finish it, though. I’m really taking my time with this one. And I’m not even sure if I’ll even release it when I’m done. I dunno, it’s just something to do to keep me occupied.

I guess that’s it for tonight, or this morning, or whatthefuckever. Maybe I’ll post again in a coupla months.

thoughtfully,
Baalan.

So when was the last time I wrote up anything? Maybe a coupla days, right? You see, I’ve been working these past 2 days, on my off-days, so I’ve been too lazy and tired to start up the old computer and write anything.

Yesterday I broke my fast with Ayeen in IKEA. For every 10 bucks you spend, you get some traditional buka puasa kuih or something like that. And we got three, so you can imagine how much food there was on the table. hehe.

I’ve only smoked around 5 or 6 ciggies in the past 3 days, which is something of a record for me.
Sigh, I’ve run outta things to talk about. In the next post (tomorrow or whenever), I’ll talk about how I got started in Magic.

Till then,
Baalan.

Hey guys.

I know nobody’s read my blog much, but I just want to be regularly posting, you know, so that I get into the habit. I just got home from work, had my dinner, now I’m in front of the PC. So here I am, going at another attempt at blogging.

So yesterday Ayeen and I went to Port Klang for a late lunch/early dinner. I know a lot of you folks probably go to the Muara area, but I don’t like that place. As a matter of fact, I think the food is crap. Even crap would taste better (not that I’ve had any, haha). You see, if you go to the Muara Restaurant (or whatever the hell it’s called), you have to turn to the right. Now, to get to where I usually eat, instead of turning right, turn left. Stop at the first restaurant you see; its called Sea Sky Restaurant. Its a chinese restaurant, and they got the BEST seafood ever. Ever.

This is what we had:
1. Dry Curry Mud Crab
2. Steamed Prawns in Egg White
3. Curry Fried Clams
4. Four Seasons Dish:
    - chili fried japanese snail
    - calamari kerabu
    - fried seafood pieces in batter
    - honey-fried baby squid

I know that sounds like a lot, but we’d been saving our stomachs for a big meal, and believe it or not, we finished it off! I was so bloody full, I couldn’t even breathe haha!

While we’re on the topic of food, tomorrow we’re gonna start the Ramadhan. The fasting month is going to be a good month as any to try and start losing weight, maybe quit smoking (!!!)…
I’m not going to promise anything except that I will promise to try.

Anyways, I’d like to take this opportunity to wish everyone SELAMAT BERPUASA. God Bless all of you.

yours,
Baalan.

Courtesy of my brother Edwan. He probably got it from some website somewhere. These are hilarious! Hahaha!

Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone!

Yo mama so fat her blood type is rock and roll!

Yo mama so fat that when she went to a buffet she got a group discount!

Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors!

Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world!

Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"

Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps she goes down straight to hell!

Yo mama so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck!

Yo mama so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington’s nose.

Yo mama so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"

Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order!

Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

Yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.

Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread.

Yo mama so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

Yo mama so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

Yo mama so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes!

Yo mama so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!

Yo mama so greasy Petronas buys Oil from her! (Hahaha I love this one - 503.)

Yo mama so nasty I called her to say hello, and she ended up giving me an ear infection.

Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.

Yo mama so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died. (hahahaha! -503.)

Yo mama so old her social security number is 1!

Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class.

Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

Yo mama so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

Yo mama so old she owes Jesus three dollars

Yo mama so old when God said ‘let there be light’ she flicked on the switch

Yo mama so old her birth certificate says expired on it.

Thanks, Adik.